a letter to my future self

there are so many things i want to say to you but i’ll keep it short.

i hope you are happy. not that pretend happy you like to trick yourself into embracing, but the kind of happy that makes the world seem a little brighter every day. i want you to read this whenever you’re having a bad day, you’ll have plenty of those, i’m sure. but for now, focus on yourself, focus on your mental health before anything else. go to therapy. take your medicine, if you decide to start taking it again.

write. i’m praying that you haven’t lost sight of what is important. i’m writing during one of the hardest times in my life right now, and writing is the only thing keeping me alive. no matter what you feel, no matter where you are, always have a piece of paper and a pen to hand. remember and cherish every moment, good or bad, immortalise it. you probably haven’t reached this goal yet, but one day those moments will comprise the book you always wanted to publish.

if you are looking for that person, stop. the best relationships always happen when you close your eyes. let it happen, don’t force things, and most certainly do not ever get caught up in your feelings about a guy. i know how you tend to obsess over people’s actions, playing out every possible scenario in that head of yours but try not to. never lose sight of your worth; a guy who makes you feel miserable and leaves you guessing is not the one for you. your day will come when you find the right person standing at the end of the aisle, waiting for you; that may have happened by now, it may not have, but don’t despair. a relationship shouldn’t be the only thing you aspire to have.

but most importantly, this is the one thing i really want to hammer home. take every chance you get. i’m 19 years old right now, full of regrets because i missed out on so many opportunities. there are friendships that i never got to experience, creative interests i never pursued and loves that never had the chance to blossom. that promising job offer you’ll get? take it. a date with a stranger in a coffee shop? go (even though you’ll try desperately to think your way out of it.) a chance to meet new people? seize it, even if it makes your heart palpitate and your palms sweat.

no more hiding behind your hands. don’t shy away from anything. i implore you to live the life you deserve — your happiness is well overdue.

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